No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
