I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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