You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
