i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Watching her eat just hurts me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
