I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
