i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
