I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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