so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
