so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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