I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
