I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
