Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
