I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
