my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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