haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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