Already got asked if we're dating
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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