I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
