if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
