doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude i'm inner monologue high
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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