Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
