are you still at the devil's house?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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