I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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