Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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