i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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