he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
