you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
