just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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