i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
