I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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