At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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