I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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