two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize