Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
