i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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