No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
wow bdsm is so cute
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
