Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
