I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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