I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
