She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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