are you still at the devil's house?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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