I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
