she woke up with a sticky ear
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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