I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
