i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
