That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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