Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
