i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
