dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
