oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
