Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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