I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
