i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize