I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
