it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
