Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
