Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
