i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
