The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
