She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize