There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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