yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
