if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
