Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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