college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
