guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
