my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
