I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
