You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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