here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
