I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
