see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
party gras won. party gras always wins.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
