Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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