I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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