You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I die, sorry about rent.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
