Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
